Just Do It

My brain is currently functioning on overload. You would think I would be worried about getting everything ready for Christmas, but I'm not. I don't have a single present wrapped, but that's just not on my mind right now. I have random thoughts that keep flying through my head and won't resolve themselves. So, if you have better things to do right now, I would stop reading, because this might take awhile.

Last evening I was extremely tired (in part because I have a 6 month old that still doesn't know how to sleep through the night and was up twice the previous night). So, my hubby told me to go to bed and he would give Andrew his last feeding. Wearily I obliged. So, at 9:30 p.m. I went to sleep. It would have been a great night of sleep, if it hadn't been for my 5 year old who woke up in the middle of the night because she was cold, after insisting on sleeping in a sleeping bag in the floor. It didn't take long to put her back in her bed, but after my 4 hours of sleep, my brain must have thought I had enough rested enough because I couldn't go back to bed for another 3 hours.

I lay awake thinking about friends...friends I no longer keep in contact with because of my lack of effort, friends I do try to keep contact with but for reasons unbeknown st to me don't seem to reciprocate my need for their deep companionship. If friendship, companionship, love, is so important than why do we continually mess it up? Why do I let jealousy, and selfishness get in my way to simply care for people? I get so wrapped up in myself, wondering why I didn't get invited to someones house, or why wasn't I the person they felt they could pour their heart out to, that I don't stop to think about what I can do to make someone else feel more loved. I could invite someone with little family for dinner, or send someone who is lonely a card.

I lay awake wondering about my low self esteem, and wonder what I can do to improve my image of myself, so as not to pass this trait on to my girls. I tell myself my new slogan for 2010 is going to be Just Do It! I need to stop whining about not being able to make fabulous meals, making creative projects, having a dust free house, or kids that are perfectly coiffed, and just do something...clean the kitchen sink, play play doh with my kids...do something I can do. I focus so much of my time worrying what other people might think about how I do things in my life. "Would you look at her, she picks up her baby too much...she let's her baby cry too much, she let's her kids watch too much TV, why can't she potty train her child? She spends too much money on junk food. She should really watch her weight." I realize how much time I spend focused on negativity, I just have trouble stopping. Whether people really think badly of me or not, it shouldn't matter. I know only God's view of me matters, I just have trouble remembering that.

I think I've babbled on long enough. There are many more thoughts I have of blogging....writing about things we are proud of all the time vs. what our life looks like in reality, New Year's resolutions, and how to raise our children knowing God. When it comes down to all the issues, I know the answer lies with God. God tells us to "put other's before our own needs." God tells us "we can do all things through Him who strengthens us." God tells us "we are children of Him." Deep down, I know what I have to do. I know I should take it to God in prayer, and read my bible more often. Of course now I'm just laying out more inadequacies...how I'm inadequate in my walk with God. When what I really need to do is stop focusing on what I should do and Just Do It!

Missing Computer Connection

This past week, our computer finally died. I tried days for days to restore the hard drive, but seeing as though I am not that computer savvy, my attempts were futal. At first I thought, maybe I could just live with out a computer (after all there are plenty of days where I become too dependant on it anyway, and could be spending my time more wisely). And it has been good for me too, because this past week I have been finding a lot more outdoorsy things to do with my time, not to mention probably spending better quality time with my kids. But I think I was just fooling myself thinking I could deal without a computer at all. After all with banking online, and friends communicating now adays through nothing but internet connections, I think I am going to have to get a new computer. The question now is what kind? There are so many different brands, speeds, etc. And then I'm not sure if I should attempt to get a laptop or not. I would love a laptop, but am not sure that would be the wisest choice with kids who love to play on the computer. When we do get a new computer I am just going to have to remember not to get in the rut again of spending too much time on it.

So, I guess I have some research to do. For now, I am just at the library, thankful that there are other places to connect with the techy world. And also thankful that we have a library so close by with lots of toys and books located right next to all the computers (so I can keep a close eye on my kiddos).

Pizza Lovers

I thought I would join the bandwagon and add my picture to the 5 Minutes for Mom Fun with Food Photo Contest. This was a picture taken when Kyra was just over 2 years old. She has always loved helping her Dad and me in the kitchen. Here she had the opportunity of fixing a pizza with Grandma. She was so careful too, to do it just right (still is). What a great duo.

Here is another picture just for fun on a Friday (but not for the contest). As long as we're on the subject of food, I thought I would add a picture of Katie with taco salad. She was 1 1/2 in this picture. And sadly enough she's still about as messy as she was then! Oh well, makes life interesting.

November Giveaways

I just learned that the women at 5 Minutes for Mom is doing a MONTH of Christmas giveaways during November (thanks Jenni)! They will be having tons of giveaways over the next three weeks. I know I certainly love giveaways. They also have information about a great program called Under the Tree. So go on over and take a peek!

Bloggy Woes

I have definitely been writing less and less the past few months. And I'd like to say that I've been so busy and haven't had time to blog, or that I am putting my time into new projects or spending more time with family. But, unfortunately that's not it. There have been so many thoughts stirring in my head that I could write down and share, but I haven't felt like sharing. Part of me is reserved, thinking those thoughts are too deep to share with the world or that I want to keep those memories of certain things we've done selfishly to myself. Part of me is lazy, thinking I would rather sit on the couch and watch L*aw and Order. And yet another part of me is stumped, simply thinking I don't know how to describe the thoughts and events that have been occurring these last few months.

And yet another part of me feels guilty for not writing. Not because I haven't been keeping my few readers updated on my life, but because I had set out to keep a record of the joyous things that happen on a daily routine. I want my children to look back at some of the the entries I have written and laughed at the things they said or bloopers that I did, or places we visited. I also want an outlet or a time set aside so that I can reflect on the tiny blessings that occur on a daily basis. God has given me so many things to be thankful for, and yet there are so many days that I get down in the dumps wondering why He gave me life. What is my purpose here on Earth (okay, don't answer that...because I know every Christian's purpose is to serve God and be a light unto others so that we may lead others to Christ....but I was thinking beyond that)? Anyway, I am getting way off course here. My point is, God has set so many great things in my life (even if it is a small thing in my daily routine, like the fact that I didn't forget all the items on my grocery list...which sadly, seems to happen a lot), and I need to focus on those things. After all hasn't it been said that how your day goes depends on 90% of your attitude? I hope I haven't created a grim picture either. I haven't been depressed or had a poor attitude for all of 3 months, but I have gotten away from focusing on the reason I began this blog in the first place. And that was to embrace the person God made me to be, to focus on the small blessings in my daily life, and to make small positive changes in my life that makes me a better person. After all, that's why I am a rose in the making.

Reading before 2?

This morning on the Today Show, they interviewed two parents who have an 17 month old that can read! That's right, their little girl is reading before the age of 2 (before the age of 4 for that matter). Now I've seen some gifted children, but that is something else. Her parents said they didn't really teach her either (although they are both speech pathologists and encouraged language development through sign langauge).

Now if you don't mind, I have some work to do. I'm feeling a little behind! (Really folks, I'm kidding. If you thought I was going to start drilling my 23 month old before even potty training, than you have another think coming!)

One is Silver and the Other's Gold

Well, I made it. This is my 100th post! For many of you who have been blogging daily, or blogging for years, this may not seem like much, but deep in the depths of my brain I never thought I'd last this long. I am one of those people who has great ambitions to try something new and then I either- A. Don't follow through, or B. Don't finish what I start. So last summer as I began this journey to record my thoughts, pictures, reflections, I secretly didn't think it would last. But so many of you who have visited, read, and commented on my blog have truly been an inspiration to me. Your comments, of course, are not the reason I continue to blog. I already got melancholy once in the beginning of my blogging experience for not getting the "fan mail" I would have liked. However, staying true to the reason I began this blog (which was to focus on the positive things in my life, and make a record of the tidbits in my children's lives), I have grown to love writing, reflecting, and reading various blogs as well as read the many encouraging comments I have received (just icing on the cake!).

That being said, I decided to focus my 100th post on friendships. You remember the song, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold." I have been reminded of that so many times this past year. In the beginning of the summer I was going through a really tough time, which is why I thought writing out positive thoughts would help me refocus mentally of all the blessings I really have. And it has helped. However, a large portion of that help has come through friendships. I have a wonderful family, who listens to my joys and sorrows, and never turns me away. I have friends from college, who I feel will be good friends for the rest of my life. They may be far away, but I will always hold them close to my heart (you know who you are). They make me laugh, cry, and share a wealth of history that will forever bond us. Finally, I have NEW friends. I have made some friends through bible study this year, and then also blogging friends - some whom I've never even met. You all have had such encouraging things to say, that quite frankly has helped bring me closer to God. I have met some with such a strong faith, some with such a great sense of humor, creativity, and overall hearts full of compassion. You all have been such blessings in my life.

That brings me to my final point (sorry this has been a little long winded, but hang on you'll be glad you read to the end). It is imperative that we encourage each other and lift each other up. True friendships help our faith walk with Christ.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing" -Thess 5:11

And I have been so blessed to have had many wonderful friendships that I can count on to help guide me in my walk with Christ. So I have decided to GIVEAWAY a $25 gift certificate to Panera Bread Company. Why, you ask to Panera? Well, one it is one of my favorite places to eat, and two it is a great place to meet with a friend and catch up on life. My only request is that if you win the gift certificate, you share with a friend (hubby, mom, friend, child, etc.) So, here's the details: just leave a comment explaining how you have been blessed by a particular friendship. Then, on Thursday morning around 7am I will randomly select a winner (I will probably print out the comments, cut them up, put them in a basket, and have my daughter chose one). I look forward to your stories!

Back in the Blogging World

Yeah!! We got our computer back! We are fortunate enough to have a friend that fixed our computer (thank you R- you are a life saver), and really quickly too. I thought it would take longer, but he had it back to us in no time. Anyway, it does and doesn't feel good to have it back. I was all geeked to have it hooked up again, check out our on line banking, look at the piling up emails we had, and of course see what all my fellow bloggers were up to. I was beginning to feel caught up and more updated on the life outside of our little abode, when my 19 month old began tugging at my shirt for me to play with her. I looked at those beautiful big blue eyes of hers and realized how much fun I have been having with her and her sister these past few days. I really missed the computer for the first couple days, but that began to wear off and I truly began to have TONS of fun with the kids. We played chutes and ladders, tag, race around the house, catch with the dog, and more. Please know that while we did have the computer, I DID play with my kids (I didn't ignore them -okay, at least not most of the time), but I didn't seem to enjoy them as much (like an underlying thought that I had to get back to the computer). It's like you've found a new refreshing joy. Taking one thing out of my life, was just enough to give me a new take on life this week (although it could have been the fact that everyone was healthy too). So, I guess for now, I would like to focus less on the computer (something I know so many of us have said so many times), and more on life. Of course I'm not quiting blogging, because I just enjoy it too much, but a little cutting back is a good thing.

No Computer

Well, I am here writing at the library in lament of our computer! Yes, our computer (internet rather) has died on us, and I am sadly mourning over it. Isn't that sad? I got so used to blogging and checking on other people's blogs, that I am at the library just to check up. I won't be doing this too often (especially because it is quite hard to blog at the library with 2 children wanting to do anything but sit next to the computer while I type! Can't blame them either.) So while it will be a challenge not writing for awhile, reading other people's blogs, commenting on other people's blogs, etc. It is a good time to go back to the simpler life before computers. I can truly enjoy my time with my kids, husband, maybe even scrapbooking (okay maybe too ambitious) without the tug to be at the computer! I don't know how long we will be without the computer, but it will be a good rest. So long, for a couple of weeks, maybe I'll lurking around.

Blessed

I have been having trouble blogging again lately, not because of lack of time, but because of lack of things to say. For all of you who journal or blog every day, I commend you and your brain for always having thoughts to put down on paper (computer). Maybe my brain is a little slow (okay don't answer that) or maybe I just think too much and just get stressed with the thought of trying to put my thoughts down, whatever the case....I'm at a block. I originally had plans in finding at least one positive thing to say a day (as to mentally help myself from thinking so negatively). But I have realized that you can't just try and find one positive thing a day, you have to pray about finding those daily pieces of joy too.

Yesterday I was at the park with a friend, complaining about the condition of my house, the whinyness of my girls, etc. I went home thinking, all I did was COMPLAIN! Which doesn't come of much surprise because it is something I do quite well. But I thought, my poor dear friend has to listen to that every time I visit her (she has to be sick of me!) Complaining is a disease and I have to stop it. Shortly after that revelation I read Renee's blog (sorry Renee, I can't link), and was amazed at how far she's come in life after such hardships. She's been through so much, and she is rejoicing!! I knew I had to take a good look at my life and see what I could count as good. So here it goes....

1. I was raised in a Christian household, with a loving family. My parents both worked hard (opposite shifts) so that one of them was always home with us. They took us to church, helped us with homework, and stayed together through thick and thin. My mother is a great encourager, and often looked at the bright side when I was feeling down. My dad went on many walks with my sister and I, and instilled many deep thoughtful questions that truly made us think. They both have always been there for me.
2. I went to a Christian College where I came into so many great friendships, in which I still keep in contact to this day. Although, I did not end up teaching (what I went to school for), I had such a positive experience and met so many empowering people.
3. I have a loving husband. I have a truly wonderful husband (although I fail to see it all the time), who works hard to support his family (and so I can live my dream and be a stay at home mom and not to mention a pretty nice house). He almost always grants my request when I come to him with a honey do list (and doesn't even complain about it). And he listens to me time and time again (like a broken record) when I come to him with hurt feelings of being insecure, inadequate, fat. He is a loving husband.
4. I have two beautiful, healthy girls. With all the crankiness, crying, disobedience, and crazy behavior, my girls are super. Afterall, everyone who raises children deal with these issues (it just may not feel like it when your in the moment). But, to have 2 girls that say the darndest things, have the cutest expressions, and depend on you and love you hopelessly, what more could you ask for. I could not ask for better children.
5. I have wonderful friends. I may not have a lot of friends, but the friends I do have are so dependable, empathetic, wise, open armed, and good for making me laugh.
6. Finally, I have such a loving Father in Heaven above that is there for me whenever I need Him. He hears my every cry, shares my every pain, rejoices in my every triumph.

Yes, I am truly blessed. And any time I forgot that just refer me back to this entry.

Bloggy Friends

I just want to thank all of you women who have encouraged me through your thoughtful comments. It truly is uplifting and wonderful to know that there are so many women, both old time friends, and ones of whom I have never even met, that have such a beautiful heart. I am blessed to have encountered you through bloggy land. Thank you.

Bloggy Block

I've come to a bit of a Blogger Block. I'm having trouble coming up with things to write in my blog (if you haven't noticed from my lack of writing for the last 5 days). Anyway, I came to the realization that I was searching for anything in my day that I could blog about, just to blog (which may be fine for some people, for many of you are excellent writers with the ability to put humor in almost any situation). As for me, the pressure to keep up with the Bloggy Jones' outways the therapy I receive from writing down the few thoughts I have on my blog. So from now on, I will probably slow down on my blogging a bit, so as not to stress my pretty little head. Sorry to my many fans (all three of you), but I will still blog when the mood strikes, or my adorable kiddos say something too cute to keep to myself.

Thorn Birds

One of my favorite movies (mini series) as a teenager was the "Thorn Birds." It had everything a juicy film needs to draw in those hopeless romantics (a forbidden love, anger, distrust, pain, and of course passion). And as a teenager, I wanted nothing more than for someone to whisk me off of my feet and carry me off into the sunset. Then several years later, I met my husband to be. We had the time of our lives the summer before we were married. I thought I had finally met my night in shinning armor. Of course several years of marriage, conversations with other fellow friends, and life experience revealed that true love and life does not work that way, at least not all the time. I am not saying that marriage isn't good, that's not it at all, just not what I pictured. I have struggled to find the balance between being a good wife, mother, and the search to find out who I truly am and the person I want to be (you'd think I would know that by the age of 30). So, I guess I'd like to say that as I just embarked upon my 7th year of marriage, I have a new goal in life - to be less selfish along with thinking more positively. As it reads in the Bible - Phillipians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." I have spent way to much time thinking, "Oh I wish my husband did this for me," or "why couldn't he have thought to put the kids to bed without me having to tell him?" I suppose we all struggle with this issue at one time or other, but I definitely am one to put on a pity party for myself. So, you all can be my witness that I am starting this new goal (be easy on me, because I am human and habits are hard to break!) But, I believe that God is transforming me to become more like him - a rose in the making - and even at the mid age of 30, I know I have a promising future - both in marriage and in the life God created for me.